The tension between free will and determinism underlies much of Mia's conflict. Throughout the novel, Mia weighs each option, ultimately embracing life rather than submitting to death. In death, she would be united with parents, while in life, she would be forced to live with the unfathomable pain of their absence. Life and Deathīecause of the peculiar circumstance of her out-of-body experience, Mia has the rare opportunity to choose between life and death. However, once she sees past surface-level differences and opens her perspective to the possibility that she is more like other people than she had suspected, Mia finds common ground with people in all parts of her life. Because she is less tenacious and competitive than the other musicians, she believes this must mean they are better than her.

Even among other cellists at her classical music camp, Mia worries she doesn't belong. While her family and Adam are fans of rock music, Mia prefers classical, and she isn't sure why the genre compels her. Throughout the novel, Mia questions whether she belongs to any particular milieu, finding that her interests alienate her from her family, her boyfriend, and people generally. This undercurrent of hostility is always present in their interactions, but their combative dynamic doesn't preclude intimacy and mutual understanding. Mia's friendship with Kim was complicated by how they initially treated each other as enemies due to their similarities.

Woven into Mia's memories of her family are memories of how she first became friends with Kim. The complicated but rewarding connections of friendship is another dominant theme in If I Stay. It is only once she recognizes the similarly powerful bonds of friendship and love that she believes it may be possible to live through the pain of her parents' and brother's deaths. Mia's bond to her family is so strong that she decides it would be too difficult to live without and them. But the pull of her memories only exacerbates the pain of being physically severed from her family. Although they die in the early pages of the book, Mia's immediate family members live on throughout the novel in Mia's memories. Mia's primary conflict-whether to stay alive or join her family in death-speaks to the unassailable connection she has to her parents and brother.

The power of family bonds is the most prevalent theme in If I Stay.

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